Dairy: What It Was and What It Is
Many of us grew up with dairy as comfort and nourishment, but the dairy on most shelves today is not the same as what our grandparents knew. This reflection explores how dairy has changed, how our bodies have changed, and how to listen when your system quietly says, “This no longer feels right.”
Quick Answers
Q: Is dairy “bad” now?
A: Not universally. But modern dairy (how animals are raised, how milk is processed, and what gets added) is very different from what many of us grew up with. For some bodies, that shift matters.
Q: Why does dairy bother me now when it never used to?
A: Your body, nervous system, gut, hormones, and stress load have changed. Modern dairy has changed too. Sometimes the combination simply stops being a match.
Q: Is it just lactose intolerance?
A: Not always. Some people react to lactose (the sugar), others to casein or whey (the proteins), additives, or the overall inflammatory load their system is already carrying.
Q: Does everyone need to quit dairy to be healthy?
A: No. This is less about rules and more about listening. Some do well with certain forms (like fermented or goat dairy), some with very little, and some feel better without it.
Q: How can I explore my own relationship with dairy safely?
A: Notice how you feel after different forms (milk, cheese, yogurt), and consider experimenting with timing, type, and amount… ideally with support from a trusted healthcare provider if you have medical conditions.
For many of us, dairy is braided into childhood memories.
Warm milk before bed. Yogurt with fruit. Butter on almost everything.
It was comfort, nourishment, and a symbol of “strong bones” and a cared-for body.
But the dairy many of us grew up with is not the same as much of what lines store shelves today.
And for a lot of bodies, that difference is starting to show.
This is not a prescription to quit dairy, and it’s not a campaign to keep it.
It’s an invitation to notice how dairy has changed, how we have changed, and how your body might be trying to speak to you through that relationship.
What Dairy Used to Be (For Many People)
When we look back one or two generations, dairy often looked and felt different.
In many places, dairy came from:
- Smaller farms or local producers
- Animals that spent more time on pasture
- Milk that was less processed and eaten closer to the source
- Dairy that was frequently fermented into yogurt, kefir, cultured butter, and traditional cheeses
In those settings:
- Animals were often fed a more natural diet (grass and forage rather than processed feeds).
- There was sometimes less chronic crowding and stress on the animals.
- Fermentation and slow preparation meant:
- Some lactose was already broken down
- Beneficial bacteria were present
- Fats and proteins were altered in ways that could be easier on digestion
It doesn’t mean dairy was perfect or that no one ever reacted to it.
But for many bodies, that version of dairy felt more compatible than what we see now.
What Dairy Often Is Now
Without most of us really noticing, dairy has been pulled into the larger industrial food system.
Today, in many regions, dairy may come from:
- Large-scale industrial farms, where:
- Animals are kept in more confined spaces
- Feed may rely heavily on grains and processed feed
- Chronic stress can be a daily reality
- Highly processed milk, shaped to fit our modern demands:
- Ultra-pasteurization for long shelf life
- Homogenization so the fat never separates
- Skimming, fortifying, and standardising
- Ultra-processed dairy-based products, such as:
- Flavoured yogurts with high sugar or artificial sweeteners
- Processed cheeses and cheese-like spreads
- Desserts and “dairy drinks” with long ingredient lists
For some bodies, the combination of:
- The way animals are raised
- The way milk is processed
- And all the added sugars, stabilizers, and flavours
changes how dairy is experienced on the inside.
It can show up as:
- Bloating, gas, or loose stools
- Skin flares (acne, rashes, hives)
- Sinus congestion or throat clearing
- Brain fog, fatigue, or subtle mood shifts
Not always, and not for everyone.
But often enough that it’s worth paying attention.
It’s Not Just “Lactose Intolerance”
When someone says, “Dairy doesn’t agree with me,” the usual response is:
“Oh, you must be lactose intolerant.”
Sometimes that’s true. But dairy reactions can be more layered.
People may react to:
- Lactose – the milk sugar, when the enzyme lactase is low
- Proteins – such as casein and whey, which can trigger immune or inflammatory responses in some bodies
- Additives and processing – emulsifiers, gums, thickeners, and sweeteners
- The overall load of stress, inflammation, and gut imbalance they’re already carrying
This is why you might notice patterns like:
- “I can handle aged cheese, but not a glass of milk.”
- “Goat or sheep dairy feels different from cow dairy.”
- “I do better with plain, fermented yogurt than with sweetened milks and creams.”
- “I’m okay with a little butter but not with ice cream or milkshakes.”
The body is giving data, not drama.
Important to Note: Dairy, Species, and Design
There’s another layer to this conversation that often gets overlooked:
Milk is species-specific by design.
- Human milk is designed for human infants: a particular balance of fats, proteins, sugars, immune factors, and signaling molecules that support a very specific pattern of growth and brain development.
- Cow’s milk is designed for calves: to support rapid physical growth, different muscle and bone demands, and a different immune system in a different species.
The proteins and structures in cow’s milk (especially some forms of casein) are different from those in human milk. For some people, these differences make cow’s milk more difficult to break down and tolerate. It’s not that the body is “weak”; it’s that the match is not perfect.
A few observations that are worth sitting with:
- Humans are the only species that routinely consume milk after infancy.
Other mammals naturally transition away from milk once they are weaned. - We are also the only species that routinely cross species for milk.
It is not common in nature to see one animal consistently nursing from another species.
It can happen in rare, unusual circumstances (an orphaned animal fostered by another), but it is the exception, not the rule.
None of this is meant as a rigid argument that “milk is wrong” or that we must all stop consuming dairy.
It is meant to gently highlight that:
If your body is struggling with modern dairy, you are not broken; you may simply be bumping up against the limits of a system that was never designed for this pattern of use.
The way we use dairy now… lifelong, cross-species, highly processed, and often daily is not something our biology evolved with over millennia.
Dairy, the Nervous System, and the Inner Healer
Dairy doesn’t exist in isolation. Neither does your gut.
Your response to food is shaped by:
- The state of your nervous system
- The health of your gut lining and microbiome
- Your current load of stress, toxins, and unprocessed emotion
- Your hormonal environment and sleep patterns
When you are in chronic fight-or-flight:
- Digestion is often deprioritized
- The gut lining may become more vulnerable
- The immune system may react more strongly to foods it previously tolerated
So when your body starts saying “no” to certain forms of dairy, the message might not be:
“Dairy is evil.”
It might be:
“Given the way things are right now… in your gut, nervous system, and life… this version of dairy is too much.”
In Silent Medicine language, this is one expression of the Inner Healer:
The part of you that is constantly trying to protect and recalibrate, even when the mind would prefer not to hear the message.
Listening to Your Body’s Dairy Story
If you’re curious about your relationship with dairy now, a few gentle questions:
- What happens in my body within a few hours of eating dairy?
- Digestion, skin, sinuses, mood, energy?
- Do I notice a difference between:
- Milk vs yogurt vs cheese?
- Cow vs goat or sheep?
- Highly processed products vs simpler, less processed forms?
- Does my tolerance shift when:
- I’m under more stress?
- I’m sleeping poorly?
- I’ve been eating more processed foods overall?
And one more:
- Am I overriding signals because it’s inconvenient to listen?
Sometimes the quiet truth becomes:
“The world around me has changed. My body has changed.
It makes sense that my relationship with dairy might change too.”
You Don’t Owe Anyone a Dairy Story That Hurts Your Body
Food is cultural. Food is social. Food is emotional.
Dairy might be tied to:
- Family traditions and comfort
- Cultural identity and shared meals
- Convenience and “easy calories” in a busy life
So when your body starts whispering (or shouting), “This doesn’t feel good anymore,” it can stir up more than just nutritional questions.
You are still allowed to:
- Pause
- Experiment
- Say “no, not right now”
- Or choose only the forms of dairy that your body seems to tolerate
You do not owe anyone:
- A dairy story that keeps you inflamed
- A dairy story that keeps you foggy or congested
- A dairy story that ignores your lived experience
In the end, it isn’t about “good” or “bad” foods.
It’s about alignment between what you eat, how it is produced, and what your body is telling you in this season of your life.
A Gentle Closing
You might choose to keep dairy in your life, to change the kinds you use, or to step away from it for a time.
Whatever you decide, I invite you to let it be:
- An experiment in self-listening,
- A lesson in how your body speaks,
- And a practice in honoring your own experience, even when it doesn’t match the marketing or the memories.
Your body’s signals are not an inconvenience.
They are part of your medicine.
Related Reading
- What do you consume… and how does it shape your day?
- Gut Health Beyond Food: How Emotions Shape Your Microbiome and Healing
- What is functional movement… and which patterns should you practice?
- Plastic vs. Glass – Which Is Less Harmful for Your Health?
Frequently Asked Questions About Dairy & The Body
1. Do I have to quit dairy completely if it bothers me?
Not necessarily. For some people, changing the type, amount, or frequency of dairy makes a big difference. Others feel best with a full break. The point of this reflection isn’t to hand you a rule, but to help you notice your own body’s responses and work with a provider if needed.
2. How do I know if dairy is affecting me?
Common signs can include digestive changes (bloating, gas, loose stools), skin flares, sinus congestion, or brain fog after eating dairy. The pattern over time matters more than one isolated day. Keeping a gentle food-and-symptom journal for a couple of weeks can help you see connections more clearly.
3. Is raw or “less processed” dairy always better?
Not always, and not for everyone. Some people do better with less processed or fermented dairy; others still react. Raw dairy also carries its own safety considerations, depending on where you live and how it’s produced. If you’re considering it, it’s wise to speak with a knowledgeable provider and understand local regulations and risks.
4. Is it just about lactose intolerance?
Lactose intolerance is one piece, but not the whole story. People can also react to casein or whey proteins, to additives in ultra-processed dairy products, or to the way their nervous system and gut are functioning overall. That’s why someone might tolerate a little aged cheese but not a glass of milk, or yogurt but not ice cream.
5. Why does my tolerance for dairy change with stress?
Your nervous system and digestive system are deeply connected. When you are more stressed, sleeping less, or carrying more inflammation, your gut may become more sensitive to many foods, including dairy. Sometimes it’s not “just the dairy,” but the overall state of your system in that season of life.
6. Can I heal my gut and add dairy back later?
Some people find that when they support their gut, nervous system, and overall lifestyle, they can tolerate certain forms of dairy again—or tolerate small amounts more comfortably. Others find their body simply prefers less or none. Working with your own providers can help you explore this in a way that fits your health history.
7. What’s your general stance on dairy in Silent Medicine?
Dairy is not treated as a universal villain or a mandatory food. It’s one of many places where the body speaks. My invitation is to step away from “always” and “never,” and toward a more nuanced, body-led conversation about what dairy is in your life now—given the kind of dairy available to you and the season your body is in.
Clinical services are provided within my scope as a licensed clinical psychologist (CA, RI). My Doctor of Integrative Medicine credential is a doctoral degree with board certification by the Board of Integrative Medicine (BOIM) and does not represent a medical/physician license. All educational content is for learning only and is not a substitute for professional medical or psychological care.
About Dr. Nnenna Ndika
Dr. Nnenna Ndika is an integrative, trauma-informed clinical psychologist (CA/RI) and Doctor of Integrative Medicine (BOIM). Her work bridges neuroscience, somatic regulation, and environmental rhythms—simple, minimalist practices that help the body remember safety and the mind regain quiet strength. Silent Medicine is educational only; it does not replace medical or psychological care. Begin with Start Here or explore Mind-Body Healing.
